Archive for December, 2005

Today was like every other day, slaving for my money. But usual as it it is, I met someone…I meet people everyday, some good some for the worst, some just plain out fucked up.

Today I met a prostitute.

My first to say the least, I guess thats because i dont go yolly gabbling about with my cock out wanting to pay someone to touch it for me.

Funny she happens to be a buddy of mines roommate. The way this friendship came together between them is unknown to me, but I suspect that my opinion is the same as any other persons, reading this right now… To describe this person of course is going to be fun, basically because I WAS attracted to her, until she commented about sleeping with over 40 guys my age within the last month, and not even mentioning once how much she charged any of them, or if she even did. The girl is attractive for the most part, not what you would expect after watching countless movies over the years and the first thing that comes to mind when the word “prostitute” is uttered is that image of an 80′s big bang hair-do with a platsic red coat high heels and spandex strutting girl hanging out down on the corner. She seemed refined and collected, blonde and slightly…funny.

Anyways, this woman (aged 30 some years) was a spectacle to me, but still alot of thoughts came to the conclusion that this was one hell of a slut. We had a couple conversations, the funniest I think was when she told me she was a prostitute, “Well I Do something, more sexual than most people,” she said, my first thought was stripper, then it just hit me and I replyed with what she was implying. I dont know if this was a speill she was giving me or not, but regardless, I dont pay for sex.

Is money this good? So good that a woman will sleep with some total stranger to obtain that filthy money that has been through millions of lint infested pockets, and switched hundreds of sticky fingers…the awnser is undoubtedly yes. I think she looks good for a prostitute, judging her 36c cup tits which she mentioned to me she was replacing with some DD’s some time soon. My friend is histerical at times, hes this Jehovahs Witness living with a hooker. what a hilarious ensemble of thrown together mediums. I wonder what his god thinks of his present situation? Me I thinks its funny, and worth talking about.

My friend tells me he’s helping her out, yet she started eating all his food, I suppose from being nervous about living in his apartment. she had him take all his food out for 30 days so she could get used to it….Fuck that shit. I wouldnt let some anorexic prostitute tell me to take out my food, and definitly not for 30 days….my reply would have been “choke on a dick”

Its interesting seeing these special people when theyre…umm…not at work. Laughing at nearly every other word I say, and I know Im not that funny, and proceeding to imply to me sexual innuendos cracks me up because its funny to me. Im a laid back person with an assertive calmness, that most people can pick up on when they first meet me, so it defeats any weirdness.

Largely, I wouldnt sleep with a prostitute, because Im clean, because Im broke, and because I couldnt stand the fact that I likely just slept with more people than a porn star. Id rather go rub one out…

Someone on my friends list on Myspace (I’ll give you a dollar if you figure out what their name is) posted this dumbassed bulletin, I felt I should share this so people can see what kind of garbage floats around Myspace and so everyone can see what badass extra message I added to it.

****ORIGINAL BULLETIN****

19 ugliest people on Myspace

It’s kinda cool there is so many people on this list. I guess alot of people aren’t ashamed to stand up for what they believe in.

You opened this because it said 19 ugliest people on Myspace………………….

But if it said Jesus Christ our Lord would you have opened it? Jesus said, “If you are ashamed of Me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.” It’s your choice. If you aren’t ashamed to do this, repost and put your name on the bottom.

1. Erin
2.Caitlin
3. peanut
4.Brandon
5. AShley
6. Christian
7. Carolyn
8. Nancy
9. Emily
10. Natasha
11. Karla
12. Jose’
13. Avery
14.Tom
15. *Marisa*
16.sami
17. Tiarra
18. Judith
19.nick
20. Katie
21. Nick Bloz
22.St3pHyY a.K,A PrIncEsA
23.~PRiNcesS ErIcA~
24.~*CiCi*~
25.>>AlExAnDrIa<<
26. Brytni
27.ChRiiStY
28.ChuLa
29.Dustin aka DaT bOi NoOK
30. stephy
31.Sa-Fire
32. Jaymar
33. Katrina
34. Keith
35. Francesca Dynasty
36.Hottie
37. Bill
38.Brooke H
39. Tia Fawn
40.Kaitlin.Marina.Hamlin!!!!!
41. Cory Freakin James
42. Tonya G.
43.*Sarah lee*
44.Shaun Roberts
45. keshiana ramos~~*
46. Ann Marie
47. lIsA mArIe kEllEr
48.justin samaniego
49.alyssa m
50. David M. Rocha
51.Cody Ray
52. laura
53.Ruby
54.~*lEdY*~
55. Jeremiah
56. E-RoCK
57.B-Slice
58. AngeLica MaRia CanTu
59.Leila
60.John
61. Ashley
62. Ashley (the kool one)
63. Derrick Curtis the hot one
64. JB
65. Katie Sue
66. Randi
67. Frankie
68. Chase
69. Alli
70. Danny
71. Chance Morris!
72. Jenica Johnsonn
73. Rachellll Brequeeee.
74. shaina : )
75. Kaitlyn
76. louis
77.Eli Harris
78. Vanessa
79.louie
80. Chris Brown
81. Hertha Green
82.KeeRa
83.Brandon
84.Miguel-I think that Jesus would be ashamed of you by tricking people.
85.Michelle
86.Missy I click on everything
87. Christine
88.Jeremy
89.ALICIA
90.Erik Booth
91. Dana
92. LAUREN
93.chelsey
94. Marci Griggs
95. Steven Smiley
96:kenzie rose
97.John Halverson
98.Alexis capetillo
99. emma nakamura
100. KElsey mattsen
101. Chanel Wallork
102. Emily d
103.Hannah Hale
104. Bryanna Marie
105.tiffany page
106. Jordanne B.
107. Anna N.
108. Jessica Hall!!!!
109.Tanner Offerdal
110.Lily Ross
111.katelyn lewis
112.SHANNON LARIMORE
113. Jawnee Ellis ^.^
114.Fae Duncan!
115. Devin Snyder
116. Amber Kennedy!! aka Mrs. Brummer
117.Maxee ( with tha TIGGS!!)
118. jullian A-R (sage)
119. Angelique
120. elbert a.k.a. berty
121. Kylie a.k.a KiKi…and i got my lucky numba sorta ..21 babi
122. Justin a.k.a smity
123. Lasharay
124. Pete ( Spiderman )
125. Erica
126. Pete (the Greek)
127.~antoinette~
128. Renee……….
129)Carlos…
130. Angie…XOXOXOX
131. IcEmAnKiLAz..A.K.A Mychal
132.NANCY A.K.A MORENA
133.Christy
134. KYLEEE NOO-DAA
135. Heather h!!!
136.GUSSSSSSS
137. Ivan
138.Ulisses
139.~**Eden**~
140.*~*ENANA*~*
141. (: LiLi
142.~*Eckored_Kween~*
143.ez
145. Eleni
146. !!!!BIANCA!!!!
147. DAvID
148.Jackie
149. anna
ONE FITTY! —NOLAN
151.~*Amy*~
152::. MiiSS LiiZ
153:: TANYA LYNN_!!*
154. s t a c e f a c e
155. Bria
156. Andre
157. Alexis
***********
158.Joseito
***********
159.*~Jennifer M.~*
160.Tonya
161.Amber
162. Nicole
163. amanda jade
164. Seth Arbour
165. Katie
166. NICOLE.
167. Katelyn.
168. KAtIe
169. DJ
170. Eric -im the bestest-
171. Ashton
172. Alexis
173. *Caitlin*
174. Nikki
175. The Shawn Simmons
178. Christin <*The one & only*>
179. Kristian<33
180. ~ AnGel ~
190.Joi Bka Kokie
191. Chronobeats
192. *~Shante’~*
193. KENDALL PITTMAN
194. THE ONE AND ONLY ***soul model*** aka Azia
195. Brittany Winston
196. Nina Cruz
197. Jessica!!!
198. Adryan (Though I don’t know if the lord saw or sees this as spearding the good word around so if do believe he is your lord and savior add that to your name when you repost. ^_^ )
199. Carina
200. De’Qaiun
201. Jan’el
202. Brandon (Buck)
203. Kimberly (Mimi)
204. JaSoN a.k.a lil violater
205. *Ashleigh*
205.*Cleydy*
206.****KosTa****
207. tyler shack
208. christine rose
209. laureeen
210. e.v.a.
211. chris
212. DYLAN
213. Chris
214. Loren
215. meg
216. jolene
217. jessica
218. tiffany
219. stephanie!
220.JORDAN M
221. Robert John Barreto Jr… jesus you are my savior, i love you.
222. amanda
223. meagan
224. kristin
225. Chase R.
226. Brittany W.
227. Brandon S.
228. Brittany McCleer
229. Margo Buchanan
230. Matt Nicol
231~~~Kim Jackson
232.dramecee kyle
233.Matthew Sherles
234.shaniqua woods
235. Jordy Bowen
236.~~Mykol (ain’t no shame in my game)
237. Derrick Hopkins
238. Joshua White
239. Jake Campbell
240. Mark Ezzo
241. Seaira Folk
242. Cayman Brianne Boggs!!!!!
243. Briana Marie Singer
244. Heidi E. W.
245.

This is the most ludicrous thing I’ve ever read, not only is it some cheezy religious bulletin that reminds me of those psychotic post-apocalyptic pamphlets that these crazy religious right people leave on things like arcade games or gumball machines, or the fake money that has biblical quotes that are left in plain view, tricking people into thinking they’ve found a dollar, then scolding them for being ‘greedy’.
This message intrigues you into thinking its some tongue-in-cheek shallow joke, but instead tries to fool you and gives you a sorry attempt at a guilt trip. Not only did it not work, but as for the 244 people that it did work for, I have this to say,

When you recieve a pamphlet from Scientology or Heaven’s Gate, and you’re minutes away from salvation from your UFO, shaved your head and holding your cup of cyanide while wearing your purple robe and matching Nike’s, waiting for your leader to give the word to drink, I want you to remember this phrase
“Gotcha”

Now don’t you feel guilty?

*as a side note, Jesus would have wanted the person who originally wrote this message to spell everything correctly, so I did what I thought would be considered ‘God’s Work’ and fixed the spelling.

No, I don’t feel guilty. But you wrote all that out to just me? Pretty sad. I don’t have that kind of spite for you to call you stupid so … nice attempt.

Kinda made me feel bad, then I went to the bathroom and threw up — nope, just had to vomit.
I replied with this.

I’ve never sent a bulletin before, so if I sent that to you as a message, I apologize because that’s a slight embarrassment to myself, although anyone who posts bulletins usually shouldn’t, and as for this bulletin, it’s no exception.

As for your arrogance as to thinking I sent that to you, I wouldn’t waste so much time sending a long, well written masterpiece to just any one person, especially you, simply because I knew you’d probably be too ignorant to consider it and take it seriously, after highschool people tend to lose their intellect and fall into the close-minded wasteland they’re surrounded by.
Don’t be a stupid hillbilly and take any ‘Jesus’ bulletin written by some 12 year old seriously, especially from myspace. I am EXTREMELY disappointed in you.

… I can’t believe I ever dated her, but I understand that she can’t stop talking to me and trying to make herself seem stern and opinionated, although stern and opinionated women need to just shut the hell up and make me dinner.

Winkler@flyninja.net

Sup bitch, you left your panties at my crib last night, don’t worry about ‘em though, they’re just another addition to my collection.

Lately I’ve been playing a game that was only released in Japan, but due to the awesome technology of pirated videogames and emulated computer systems, it’s now widely available here in the US, in fact, I read about it, downloaded the game and the proper software, and played the fuck out of it in only a half hour.

This game is a really well designed game that has a high replay value. It was originally designed for a seperate piece of hardware available for the Famicom (Japanese NES), this unit was called the Famicom Disk System, sort of like that Sega 32x thing for the Genesis only this unit used disks sort of like a 3.5 floppy for it’s games. It was an awesome system that literally turned your Nintendo into pretty much a computer. Due to game manufacturers having to simultaneously release games on two mediums for one system and cartridge technology’s eventual surpassing of the disk, the Famicom Disk System didn’t exactly flop, it was a short, profitable success. The emulator software that I downloaded emulates this hardware and looks fucking sweet when you load a game, it reminds me of a PSX loading screen only in 6 seizure inducing colors!

Doki Doki Panic is the game that I went through all this trouble to figure out this new, completely unfamiliar software for. The game’s premise is unique, two children are reading a book, a giant green hand pops out of the book and pulls them in, their pet monkey freaks out and alerts the rest of the family, the adventurous family then sets forth to jump into the book and rescue the two children. Every level is divided into three sub levels, after every complete level, you can choose to play as one of the other characters, the only catch is that you have to complete EVERY LEVEL with each character in order to beat the game, sort of like playing the original TMNT game only having to beat level one with Leonardo, then beating level one with Michealangelo, etc.

Most people would definately enjoy this game, because despite the hardware/software being odd and unfamiliar, the game, even though the name and the storyline are completely new to some people, the rest is totally obviously familiar… It’s enough to make someone to have chills run up and down their spine, enough to make someone stare unblinkingly at their monitor, enough to make someone shout “What the fuck…”

Because Doki Doki Panic is actually Super Mario Brothers 2.

Yes friends, our good marketing geniouses at Nintendo are good at what they do. The Japanese Super Mario Brothers 2 was deemed too damn hard for American game players (later released as “Super Mario Lost Levels” in “Super Mario All-Stars” for SNES), so Nintendo found a good game that was already released, changed some sound effects, gave the power-ups a few frames of animation, and slapped Mario, Luigi, Princess, and Toad’s faces over top of the nameless main characters and you’ve got an instant easily-playable American-ready Super Mario Brothers 2. Most people were dumbfounded as to the choices in gameplay and enemies, some people said it just didn’t seem like a Mario game… they were right.

Now if you ever find yourself playing Mario 2 for NES and you look at all the differences between it and Marios 1 & 3, just remember, you’re playing a weird assed Japanese game that originally had nothing to do with Mario in the first place, be glad you were introduced to a new way of playing. Mario would have probably gotten boring. ** as a side note, the US version of Super Mario 2 was later re-re-released in Japan as Super Mario USA, even further confusing players, but I really don’t think anyone was paying any attention.

A funny thing happened when I was visiting Best Buy yesterday, I became a junkie.

This game called “Guitar Hero” or something, I don’t even know the name of the game, all I know is that it’s a game to be savored. Guitar Hero mixes “Dance, Dance Revolution” style color-coded button pushing without the homoerotic dancing, instead, you look and act almost as if you’re really playing a guitar…a tiny, colorful guitar for retards.

The game includes what I think is about a 3/4 sized guitar shaped controller that has 5 buttons on the neck imitating the different frets to hit. On the body of the guitar is a lever-type deal that you can either pluck up or down like strumming the strings on a real guitar. There’s one of those “Wooaw wooaw” bar things that wiggles the strings and bends the sound

(I think it’s called a wammy bar or something, but that sounds like a TV advertisement for a device for washing your car, after an hour of playing the game I’m still not sure if the thing has a purpose in the game other than to make odd sounds)

I was at Best Buy with my cousin Matt because we just got off work and we had nothing better to do. Normally I stay the fuck out of that store because the associates act like they’re trying to sell you a brand new car, not the set of headphones or CD you’re innocently trying to buy and get out with (Who the fuck needs a service plan against scratches on a gamecube game?)

I walked past the game and almost didn’t try it out because of how retarded I would look wearing this midget guitar in the middle of Best Buy. I quickly scanned the perimeter, looking for potential snickering bastards,gladly didn’t find any. With the coast clear I put on the guitar strap, and through trial and error, figured out and mastered the game in less than five minutes.

One of the many overweight nerds that work at Best Buy was giving me pointers on how to play, got me kicking some serious ass and hitting my peak, then informed me that they were sold out of the game.

I wanted to kill him.

“How could you make a highly creative and addictive game available to the public and then not even have any in stock?” I thought to myself in my blind rockstar rage.
Then the thought occured to me, how often do puzzle games with steep prices and third party hardware ever actually catch on?

Dance Dance Revolution games that come with their own mats, Guncon and Guncon 2 light guns that come with a handful of 1st person shooters, and a slew of other obscure hardware is readily available for every system ever existed, never really selling too well.
Nintendo first proved this fact by releasing tons of hardware for the Nintendo Entertainment System. Nintendo realized that they had a good product, and they blew their corporate member on the consumers face with a smorgasbord of extra hardware that, even for that early time in the market was crossing the standard procedure (Console, game, controllers/paddles).

Remember those mats that you stomped on for that track meet game, Powerpad? Most people do, or even have owned one. I never personally owned one, but I played the hell out of one at a friends house when I was little. Out of all the hardware that I think should be given a second try, I think the powerpad needs to be implemented in a bunch of games, perhaps co-opted with this next device…

This piece of hardware for the NES was just as familiar as the controller itself, the “Zapper”, and if my memory doesn’t fail me, it was compatible with around 10 games upon it’s introduction –not bad. The Zapper was fun for about 5 minutes with the game that it was included with, Duck Hunt. Everybody remembers those damn ducks and that shithead hunting dog that taunted you whenever you missed your shot, but couldn’t kill. My opinion as to why the Zapper didn’t last through the end of the consoles life is simply for lack of any good games for it, and I think the consumer has held a grudge against it for being such a letdown and hasn’t forgiven the hardware genre since then. There have been some good Light-gun games out, but people don’t really care because, deep within their soul, they’re afraid it will include a fatass dog who laughs at them when they miss their shot.

..Betcha haven’t even friggin heard about R.O.B. the Nintendo Robot that came with the game “Gyromite”– released by Nintendo. The idea seems pretty good, I mean, a toy that plays with you and a video game… or something… I think that’s what they were going for… I’ve never seen one in person but I’ve heard they sucked and weren’t very fun, but it sounds entertaining. To me, R.O.B. gives an impression that it would be like “Small Soldiers” mixed with a video game, that would be kinda fun for anyone..at least for a few minutes.. Hell, that stupid ass “Zoop” game got old after 10 seconds and it sold pretty well, why couldn’t people have given a living breathing robot a chance?

I recently bought a Guncon 2 knockoff for Resident Evil Dead Aim, and I thoroughly enjoy it. I feel that it is the best gun-game to date and they’re should be more of them.

After reading this rambly train-wreck of an article and feel as emotionally as I do about your 3rd party optional accessory interaction-devices, drop me a line at :

winkler@flyninja.net